Loser Cruiser Beefs

           For the last year or so I have become a regular user of public transportation and like most people I have my gripes about the system. Now as a resident of the city of Vancouver I never have to travel very far. Because of this my complaints seldom are about the operation of the transit system. I find it very easy to get almost anywhere I need to with little or no hassle. At times it can be somewhat slow, but that is usually due to the need to take two or more different buses. This is rare as three different transfers means I must be going to some extremely remote place that I am to lazy to add 15 minutes of walking.

            My complaints almost always lean towards my distaste for the other riders and their poor bus etiquette. There are many regular occurrences that I see, but there is one in particular that happened the other day, which is why I now am writing this. You see I always try my best to take the B-line or any other express bus, as I do not like having to stop every couple of blocks. That probably stems from my long life as an automobile driver/passenger. It just makes the trip seem so slow and as anyone who knows me can attest, I’m just that much more important than the rest of the riffraff on the bus.

            Anyway, a couple days back I had to take a regular old bus as it was late at night and I was not in the mood to wait another 20 minutes for the B-line. I along with maybe 15 other people was waiting patiently and boarded at Commercial Drive. Then as so often happens two blocks away someone who just got on rang the bell to get off. Now you might ask yourself ‘isn’t that what they are supposed to do?’ and the answer would be yes, but my complaint arises from this. Why the shit are these people and their ilk waiting for ten minutes to get on a bus to take them three blocks?

            It might seem like a trivial complaint, but it really gets my goat. I’m not sure if these people are aware of it, well clearly they’re not, but I’m kind of a big deal and don’t have time to waste on stupid ritards who can’t walk three blocks. These nincompoops who are too lazy to take a short walk end up slowing the process for all of us.

            You might be wondering how I know for sure the exiting passenger got on the same stop as me. Well it is simply due to my ever-present sense of voyeurism. If I am going to stand around for several minutes waiting for the bus, I am most certainly going to scout out all those around me. Searching for possible problems, ugmos, well fitting lulu pants or possible terrorists. I like to know who is going to be on the bus with me. There is also an aspect of determining potential seat competitors. Some people like to stand, others rush for a seat, I almost always prefer the seat option as I usually take lengthy bus trips – otherwise I’d be walking. I’m a seat rusher, especially if there is say some elderly or feeble person at the same stop.

            I know that sounds horrible and it is. My motives for beating the cripples to seats are two fold. The first being that if there are indeed several seats available and I am fortunate enough to grab one early then more often or not it will put a later seat grabber in the bind of having to give up his chair for the old woman/pregnant lady/ super fatty. The second motive is that if there are only one or two seats and I grab one then I will no doubt end up having to give it up to the feebs, thereby looking like the gentlemen too all those not to brain hampered to notice my good (albeit secretly dastardly) deed.

            Another reason I really like to sit on the bus, especially on a non-express bus, is because of all those quick stop passengers. If I am going to half to endure a constant stop/start trip I’d like to sit. Maybe the most common quick stop snafu I encounter is the Clark Drive stop on the B-line. I take this bus quite a lot and almost every time there are those who wait at Commercial (the first stop) then get off at Clark (the second).

            I do make a couple small allowances for certain people. I fully am understanding of the need for a three block bus ride if you are carrying a huge load of groceries or the aforementioned pregnant lady and of course to the elderly individual who takes those small painful looking steps. You know the type, the ones who can never make it across the street before the light changes, painful to watch.

            It’s at this time of year when I find it particularly awful to be stuck on a slow moving bus. It’s always raining so nobody wants to walk, school is in session so there is a constant stream to UBC. And also due to the cold the drivers crank the heat despite everyone wearing their winter coats and rain gear, which always results in an awful mix of stuffy, damp, cramped conditions as well as the constant fear of being frottaged. I suppose I could try and learn to relax, take a Zen approach. Think of that time on the bus as a chance for quiet reflection in an otherwise loud and bustling day. Nah.